Dr. Sue Johnson describes the mystery of romance quite well. I have read much of her work and she has a very unique perspective that I wanted to share with my readers as well. Dr. Johnson talks about how conflict in couples isn't necessarily about a power struggle. More often than not, it is about the pain of losing the connection with the person you love. There really is no manual for the experience of love that every one of us feels.
She says love is not just an intoxicating mix of sex and sentiment. Love is an ancient, wired-in, survival code that is designed to keep the people we depend on close to us. Love can turn off pain and fear. It is the gift that keeps giving. It is powerful magic. In love, you can be the magician that changes everything.
Scientists have finally cracked the love code. We can now intelligently shape our most important relationships. Learning to love starts in childhood. A child needs emotional connection the way they need oxygen. This very special kind of emotional presence and need is carried from childhood throughout our lives. The answer to 'Are you there for me?' is a resounding yes in all secure relationships.
75% of Couples who seek professional help state that they are more satisfied and find that they have repaired their relationship. They are closer, more intimate, are able to forgive infidelities, have a more desirable sex life, and they report that these positive feelings persist years down the line. Life Coaching can help couples who do not feel safe together to move into a more secure bond. When this happens, the brain physically changes. From the point of view of your brain, stepping on a nail triggers the same parts as hearing criticism from your loved one.
Successful couples realize that they are scaring one another. They slow down and start to read their partner's body language and soothe them instead of maintaining the pattern of conflict. Having a positive memory of getting your needs met and fears soothed creates a successful positive bond that can be seen years later. All the evidence suggests that when you have at least one secure connection like this, you are healthier on almost every level. Nothing grows people like love. Evolution ensures that the most nurtured are the most likely to survive.
Your relationship is what you make of it. What is it you want to make of your relationship?